Thinking Of You
by lostnlove
Summary: Older Ritsuka and Soubi. oneshot. lemon. spoilers.


Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless

Thinking of You

Ritsuka sat beside the serene hidden lake that he had happened upon a few months back. A secret place where he could think about all the wrongs and rights in his life and the world. This place was his to sort out the lies and truths of the week. A place to think about the one that walked his mind endlessly. His cell phone lit brightly at his side and he already knew who it was.

Soubi

After the way Ritsuka stormed from the apartment he was surprised it took him this long to call. No, not yet. He could not bring himself to deal with Soubi yet. After five years of secrets, lies, battles and betrayal. Ritsuka was going to set him free of the chain he felt that Soubi had never really wanted. The chain he so desperately chewed at his leg to get out of. The chain that was not even a chain at chain at all, because Soubi could not give himself to the sacrifice he claimed to love.

Yes Soubi could give himself physically. Lust and need were easy for the angelic looking fighter to understand. A connection beyond that however and Soubi was lost. Where Ritsuka wanted someone that give him his heart it seemed to him that Soubi only wanted the body. Ritsuka didn't want Soubi to die for him, but to live for him. Soubi couldn't see the difference. The bond that they strive so hard to reach was born of the soul not of the flesh.

Ritsuka rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. He questioned his own sanity for loving and wanting to stay with a man such as Soubi. In his mind he knew he should walk. No. Run away from him and the mental torture that he had been through already. Knowing that he will never be anything, but a replacement for his brother in the fighter's mind.

Yes he knew of the pain and torture that Soubi had suffered all in hopes of a bond of any kind. In the hopes of being wanted and loved. First with his sensei and then Seimei neither gave Soubi what he wanted and once they used him tossed him away. Soubi's mind, body and soul had been abused for their demented and twisted needs. Ritsuka shook his head feeling the resolve to leave Soubi slipping away again.

He had done nothing wrong to Soubi over these many years and yet Ritsuka felt he was being punished for the other's actions. Soubi would still lie and keep secrets from him. Those perfectly soft full lips that Ritsuka could watch moving all day and never know if one ounce of truth had left them. He could feel that Soubi was not giving himself fully. He could see the difference when the battles occurred and it had nothing to do with names. The others were teams, equals in a way and they could trust each other without hesitation.

A sigh and deep breath as he thought of Soubi. The fighter that was so strong in battles but lost in the real world. His poor tragic Soubi that he could never really understand. Soubi's world of secrets, pain, lies and power eluded the now young man. That was not the life that Ritsuka wanted no matter how much he loved and desired the man that was so much like the delicate butterflies he painted.

A cheerless sad chuckle slipped from Ritsuka's lips as he thought of Soubi. After the first two years Ritsuka had come to terms with his feelings. He loved Soubi, adored him, and worshiped him in his own way. It was not the way that Soubi wanted to be loved and Ritsuka could not bring himself to love him the way that he wanted him to. To punish him, beat him and belittle him. So ultimately he did not know how this what ever it was now was going to become a great bond.

True in the five years he had yet to say the words 'I love you' to Soubi, but his actions spoke louder than words.

'Didn't they?' Ritsuka wondered running his fingers through his hair.

He was with Soubi whenever he could be. Hell, he had even moved in with him when his mother became to tormented by her demons. Nightly Soubi would try and seduce him and nightly Ritsuka would try to get him to open up. It had become an unbearable tug of war. Neither wanted to give in and neither letting the other in. Literally and figuratively speaking.

Memories of the past betrayals flooded his mind drowning him in doubt and pain. When Soubi helped his brother escape and Ritsuka shook it off. The times Soubi ran into battles without him Ritsuka let it slide. The words others had always said echoing in his mind. Soubi would never really his. They could never really be bonded. Soubi was a lowlife not to be trusted. Soubi would betray him, but he turned a deaf ear to their words. He was always giving Soubi the benefit of the doubt, but now he had nothing left to give.

An iced chill ran down his spine causing him to shiver.

"Ritsuka, why didn't you answer your phone?" A voice from behind asked.

"I didn't want to talk to you yet." Ritsuka bit out keeping his back to the fighter. His eyes slid shut due to the pain in his heart. He needed to do this. No. He had to do this for his heart, for his soul and most of all for his sanity.

Soubi said nothing as he went to sit beside the sacrifice. He looked to the now young man from the corner of his eye. He had grown as tall as Soubi and entirely too handsome. It was almost painful for fighter to look at and know he was not his. He was not even sure if Ritsuka cared for him at all. Perhaps he was using him like all the others had done.

Soubi's eyes shifted to a dark royal blue at the thought and then mentally shook it off. Ritsuka had stayed by his side when the others had told him he should leave. Ritsuka had always proclaimed him as his fighter. He had always stood up for him to everyone. He had even berated his brother for making Soubi fear him. No, Ritsuka was not like them.

He had not even come close to inflicting the pain that the others had. No, the only pain that he inflicted was when he pulled away from Soubi's touches and kisses. When he refused to sleep by his side at night and let Soubi hold him. When Ritsuka never acknowledged the 'I love you' that Soubi said in hopes of hearing it in return. If Soubi even brought up the removal of Ritsuka's ears the conversation ended with him bolting out the door.

A flashback entered his mind of earlier in the day.

They had just returned back to the apartment after a battle. Soubi had noticed that Ritsuka had a strange look in his eyes through the entire battle as he watched the opponents. It was a look Soubi remembered well. It was a desire for a deeper bond or maybe his true fighter. It was the same look Seimei held before he cast him aside. It was at that time that Soubi ended the battle swiftly and effectively wishing the look to fade away when they returned home.

Now here they stood in the apartment and Soubi had no idea what he could do or say that would make Ritsuka stay. A shadowing fear slithered over his heart as he watched his love lean against the wall. The fear he would once again be left behind for someone else. This was so different in his heart and mind than with the others. This was his Ritsuka and a desire to make him his if only for that once edged in his mind.

Soubi walked over to the young man as their eyes met an effortless smile graced Ritsuka's face. Such a sweet smile that Soubi found his hand soon resting on Ritsuka's cheek. When he made no protest nor move away. A warm wash of hope filled Soubi. He slowly lowered his lips to meet the warmth of his sacrifices. Soubi's breath faltered when Ritsuka kiss him back with passion and force. Warm arms encircled his waist as Soubi leaned in deepening the kiss. When Ritsuka felt Soubi move to undo his jeans he pushed him away. Well that was when things went all wrong.

Now as they sat in Silence Soubi needed to say something.

"I love…" Soubi's word were cut off as Ritsuka threw his hand over his mouth. Ritsuka could not hear those words today.

"You don't love me. No more lies Soubi. I want and need more than this. Go back to the master you love, because it is not me and will never be me." Ritsuka whimpered getting to his feet. He had to leave quickly before he broke down. Soubi could go and be happy with the one he truly loved.

A deep saddened frown from the fighter as he watched the fast fading form of the young man his heart called to. His mouth slightly parted as he felt his stomach twist. His brow furrowed trying to understand what had just happened. Then he realized what was said to him. The words replaying in his mind as they turned into daggers flying into his heart.

He had always known the time would come when even his Ritsuka would throw him away like the others. A deep routed thought that ate at his soul daily when he stood by the one he desired. A thought that at night turned Soubi's dreams to nightmares. It was the fear that the thought was now a realty that had Soubi on his feet and in a flash had Ritsuka by his wrist halting his escape.

"Did you find him or did he find you?" Soubi asked coolly holding the startled young man's wrist.

"Who are you talking about?" Ritsuka asked trying to wrench his hand free.

"The loveless fighter. When did you find him?" Soubi questioned pulling Ritsuka closer to him. Soubi felt a weakness that he had never before. It had him on his knees in front of the young man he loved with every part of his soul. His arms wrapping around the warm toned stomach.

"I have not found anyone. I have not looked for anyone. I …." Ritsuka sighed stopping his words before they fell from his lips. This was going bad rather fast and he couldn't understand why Soubi hadn't taken his words and ran for his brother.

"I told you to go. I cant be what you want me to be. You…you break my heart and crush my very soul." Ritsuka said threading his finger through the feathery softness of Soubi's dark blond hair.

"Then punish me, but don't walk away too." Soubi said weakly. His sapphire eyes looking into endlessly sad violet ones. Ritsuka's hands fell from Soubi's hair to the sides of his face. He kneeled down to be eye level with his fighter.

"No matter how much you wish me to be them I will never be either. I don't want to be." Ritsuka said leaning his forehead onto Soubi's. "I love you too much to hurt you."

Soubi's eyes widened slightly

Ritsuka bit his lip as his body wanted nothing more than to take Soubi and push back into the grass and have his way with him until he stopped all his foolishness. He couldn't understand how someone with some much beauty, intelligence, grace and talent could be so angry with themselves.

Heart breaking sapphire eyes looked into the endless violet of Ritsuka's. Both could see the pain and torture of the other's life shiny back at them. Both could feel the need and love that the other held for them. Ritsuka leaned forward to brush his lips softly against his.

A small spark shocked them at the gesture leaving their mouths tingle. Which only made Ritsuka, press his lips to Soubi's once more. He felt as if he was feeling Soubi for the first time. This kiss was different from any other kiss and it was addicting. He wanted more as he slightly opened his mouth and felt Soubi do the same. A soft moan as they fell back into the cool grass. Ritsuka's tongue danced and teased with Soubi's as the feeling of rushing power flowed between them.

It was of course at this time that Soubi's cell phone rang. A groan as Ritsuka went to pull away, but Soubi was being reluctant and held fast. Ritsuka finally got out the clutches of his arms, but only moved to sit on the side of him. It was the first time that either had felt truly connected. It was as if they were one in the same as if they truly understood each other for the first time.

The phone had stopped ringing, but Ritsuka could only stare down at Soubi and the beautiful sight he made laying the grass. His hair was slightly messed along with his clothes. Ritsuka went to lean back down, but then his phone went off. A look of aggravation flitted across his face as Soubi sat up to see whom it was also.

"Hello." Ritsuka said rather gruff to the person the other end.

"It's Natsuo." The voice on the other end said.

"Yes Natsuo. What is it?" Ritsuka said getting Soubi's attention.

"They found your brother." He said

"They found my brother doing what?" Ritsuka asked getting annoyed with the zero.

"No I mean they found your brother's body. He is dead. As in both him and his fighter, but no one knows who did it. I don't really think anyone cares either. Oops sorry, but it is kind of true." The zero said shrugging.

Ritsuka went to stand but Soubi stopped him in his usual way. "No its fine I think only a few will be sad over the true passing of my brother." Ritsuka said flipping the phone closed.

He frowned as he looked to Soubi. "You heard right?" Ritsuka asked receiving a nod.

"I think we should go home." Ritsuka said standing and holding his hand out for Soubi. It was at that time that Soubi saw it. Ritsuka's wrist, the one he had always grabbed when Ritsuka went to flee from him. Like a bold ID bracelet standing out for everyone to see.

Loveless

Ritsuka looked down to see why Soubi had not taken his hand. The look of sadness that presented itself to him almost had him in tears. He thought that it was for his brother until he followed Soubi's line of vision. Then he caught it and realized what the problem was.

"It is just a name Soubi. You are my fighter and I am sacrifice." He said still holding his hand out for him to take. Once again Soubi nodded as if he had no voice of his own. He placed his hand in Ritsuka's as he heard a gasp and before he looked to see what had happened the young man ripped the bandage from his neck.

"What are you doing?" Soubi asked getting the voice he had lost back.

"It's gone." Ritsuka said lightly touching the area where beloved once stood so defiantly in Soubi's skin.

"What?" Soubi asked rubbing his neck and not feeling the raised scar on his skin.

It was also at this time that Ritsuka grabbed Soubi's wrist and held it in front of him. It had been the most animated shock Ritsuka had ever seen or will ever see from his fighter. Soubi had stilled just tracing the word etched so perfect on his skin from the gods. Loveless, The bond was completed. Neither knew if it was from the death of Seimei or the power they had felt in that kiss, but in actuality neither really gave a damn either.

When they walked home Ritsuka had openly and happily held Soubi's hand. For once the fighter didn't feel like the one he adored was ashamed of him. When they arrived back at the apartment and walked through the door Soubi found him self being pulled into the other the room by the younger. Pushed onto the bed his heart beat faster. It certainly was a change from the way Ritsuka normally act, but there was no way he was going to complain about it.

Ritsuka crawled up onto the bed next to Soubi and made fast work of removing his clothes being that they were getting in his way. Ritsuka's own clothing becoming to hot and restricting found themselves in a heap by the side of the bed. Soubi watched and was almost starting to wonder if a spell wasn't in play. However when he looked at the lust rolling in the eyes of his soon to be lover he decided to go with it.

Warm soft lips fell onto his as a tongue worked its way into his mouth. Soubi could feel the curious hands of his raven-hair lover learning his body. His own hands running down Ritsuka's chest and onto his already hard erection. A hiss from Ritsuka made Soubi pause thinking that he crossed a line he had not seen. When Ritsuka moved to laying kisses down his chest and ultimately made it to his goal. A lick to the tip had Soubi up on his elbows watching the young man work his magic on him.

Teasing with tongue and soft kisses on the shaft had Soubi panting for more. The feel of his hot warm mouth with the feel of his hands was too much for Soubi as his head lulled and his back arched. He clutched the blanket as he called his name.

The pull of the drawer and the flip of a top were the first thing Soubi heard once coming back from the orgasm. The feel of his legs being shifted as Ritsuka moved to push into him. Soft moans and groans with hitched breaths filled the room as the Ritsuka leaned down to kiss Soubi finally filling him completely.

He shifted slowly before pushing back watching Soubi's face for any kind of reaction he could draw. The fighter yanked him down into a lust filled kiss begging for him to move faster. Ritsuka moved Soubi"s hips to push in deeper as a gasp tripped from Soubi's lips when Ritsuka hit the spot. The sweat and heat from the friction of their bodies as they moved together. He was so close as he leaned down once more with one final push shooting his passion forth.

His tired shaking body fell to the side of Soubi as the fighter gathered him close in his arms. A smile crossed his face as he leaned down for one more kiss.

"I love you." Ritsuka said as Soubi smirked. "I know….now."


End file.
